On my birthday this year I got to do something wonderful, something I have been dreaming of getting to do for a numbers of years. After friends came to our house for dinner and cake, we packed up and trundled off to the city for Drag Bingo as part of the Pride festivities. But, friend, I wasn’t merely a participant on this occasion, I was a performer!
For the past year I had been perfecting my look. I chose a song I love singing to in the car. And, I made the risky step of putting my name in the ring to preform. For a debut performance the crow was huge! About 300 folks came out to the event, and I got to preform with some incredibly talented kings and queens.
What I did not expect for the experience was the euphoria that comes from dancing in front of other people. You see, I’m not a great dancer. I am an enthusiastic dancer, but I also quit ballet as a kid because of the bullying from the other little ballerinas. Dancing is complicated for me, and I grew up an incredibly self-conscious kid with low self-esteem.
In many ways, I am still that same child. Worried about how I look; worried about how others see me. But the power of drag, the magic of it, I realized mid-song as I pranced around the room dancing very poorly. Interacting with the audience, making the laugh and cheer, I could feel what a difference willingness makes. The magic of drag is the person who is confident enough to get up in front of others in absolutely absurd makeup and outfit to unselfconsciously preform for the joy of others and themself. The willingness to be in front, to be silly, to let loose, is the magic.
It doesn’t even need to be good, as long as it is joyful and unselfconscious.
It made me think of the liberating power of the Gospel, Jesus’ good news that it is peace in God’s goodness, God’s desires for us, that truly sets us free. When we let go of the debilitating powers of self-consciousness, of other’s opinions, of societal expectations, of cis-hetero-patriachy, we embrace the liberating power of God’s love.
Drag became, in that moment, an act of worshipful joy. A dance of gratitude to my Creator for my whole being.
It calls to mind the words of the song Undignified which paraphrases King David’s unselfconscious and feral dancing:
I will dance I will sing to be mad for my king
Undignified, Matt Redman
Nothing lord is hindering the passion in my soul
I will dance I will sing to be mad for my king
Nothing lord is hindering the passion in my soul
And I’ll become even more undignified than this
Some would say it’s foolishness but
I’ll become even more undignified than this
Some would say it’s foolishness
Foolishness indeed, to which I say: Amen!
